I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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