Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
