Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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