I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
