I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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