I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
