awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize