Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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