someone owes me an orgasm
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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