Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
