I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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