but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
