hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He has the fingertips of a God
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
