we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
