Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
