Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
