I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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