I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
