Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
