You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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