plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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