Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
