I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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