you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
