you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
