Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
