My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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