i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
