she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
