You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
