Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
