sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
