I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
