Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
