he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
