he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
