Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
