a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
