I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
