I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
