i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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