Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
