I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
