her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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