It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
