I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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