You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
