I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He felt like a one man threesome
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
