If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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