They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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