So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
