so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize