He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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