Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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