Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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