Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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