pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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