Whod you bang
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
