I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
