I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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