Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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