I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
