I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
