i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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