Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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