He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
