To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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