one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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