these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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