people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
