respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
