Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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