plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
