just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize