If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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