My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
