I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
