Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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