My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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