hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
