when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
