Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
