Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
