I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
