They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
