Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
