My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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