I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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