And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
