Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
