I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
