Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I FOUND THE LEGS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
