I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
