So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize