well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
