I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
