my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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