well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
