i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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