Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
