you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
