Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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